This has been a big topic on my mind this week. Being the vain person that I am my appearance really shapes my mood and general attitude and when I’m not happy with it it’s obvious. A couple of months ago I started a series that never was called “Bikini Body Ready”. I intended to start a health kick (again) and come back with some ‘after’ pictures that put my ‘befores’ to shame.. unfortunately little has changed since then, if anything my body image has deteriorated. I have my up days when I love my figure (rare) and then my downs when I feel like never eating again.. but inevitably reach for a huge bowl of pasta as comfort. I’m not necassarily a comfort eater but I definitely eat when I don’t need to and what I eat is never good. When I returned to work a month ago and joined the office gym things were looking up.. I was feeling motivated and running every day during my lunch hour as well as occasional weights and toning exercises. I really enjoyed it, had a gym buddy in a work colleague and felt more inclined to reach for healthier food after a good workout. I honestly believed I’d finally found something I could stick to until the personal trainer told me that I could run all day long but if I didn’t change my diet I would lose no weight. I never went back. It was possibly the single most demotivating thing anyone has ever said to me. So for the last week I’ve been ‘fat’, eating more junk food than usual, reaching for sweets I don’t even want and drinking sugar-filled energy drinks like they’re going out of fashion. I’ve felt a bit rubbish about my weight since Milo was born in November but last night I hit a new low, I just felt so awful about myself and I’ve had enough. I’m not someone that piles on weight when I eat rubbish, I’ve always been ‘lucky’ like that but at the same time once my body has decided where it wants to be it’s tough to shift those stubborn lbs. In his infinite wisdom my trainer also told me that women who carry weight around their middles usually have too much estrogen. I found this article that corroborates his theory. Apparently contraception can have a lot to do with this, I used to have an IUD coil, I chose it because it doesn’t affect your mood and is a long term fix – I had mine for 5 years. The fitting is not pleasant so I’ve been putting it off and having the Depo injections since I had Milo but since weighty discovery I am eager to switch. That being said I still need to address my diet, I’ve never felt great body-wise but I’d give anything to just feel good right now. I know that baby weight comes off naturally in the year after birth, given that Milo is approaching 11 months and my weight hasn’t changed for 8 weeks I think it’s about time I did something proactive about what’s left. I am going to start using the My Fitness Pal app on my iPod which I found helpful in the past and get back to the gym when I’m back at work on Tuesday. I can’t stick to anything drastic so I find calorie counting easiest for me since I’m not cutting out any food groups.. however limiting grains is supposed to show quick results.. we’ll see.
My mood has always hung on how I feel about myself, whether it be a bad hair day, acne or right now, weight. I’d love for this post to have been about accepting what you have but at 26 I’m too young to give up on my body. I know there are people out there larger than me but I’m not naturally broad, I’m petite and a little overweight. It’s only a dress size but it will make me feel a lot better to lose that. I don’t mean to offend anyone by this, I know it’s a controversial issue and there will be those out there that think I’m tiny just as there are those who think I’m huge. All that really matters is how I feel. I don’t want to be modelesque, I’m realistic about what I can look like after two kids but I know I can look better than this.. I’m just lazy. This is my October challenge, see you in a month!