Late last month I was feeling really quite rubbish about the whole internet deal. I was about to hit 8 years of this blogging/vlogging business and after a year or so of feeling like I’d stalled it seemed like I was actually moving backwards. I wanted a fresh start and to move on from exclusively beauty content but every time I made a step in that direction I lost subscribers/readers and it was really tough to put that aside and continue.
I spoke on twitter yesterday about having had a product deal fall through at the start of the year. Something I thought for sure would launch soon just went away and between that and feeling ber lost with where I wanted to be online I was under a cloud for a while. A friend of mine asked me what my goals were and I explained that I didn’t like to admit to them in case I couldn’t make them happen. Part of what really hurt about the palette I was supposed to launch was that I’d totally bought in to it and told people that it was happening and so when I realised it wasn’t going to I was embarrassed. Things like that just reinforce that feeling that you should keep your dreams to yourself until they come true.
My friend thought this was madness and told me to write down some of the things that I wanted. Funnily enough, I had done this a week prior while trying to get out of my funk and convince myself there were bigger and better opportunities ahead. When she reminded me of this I realised that within a week of writing that list I’d had an email about one of the things on it. Since then I’ve been invited (I’m not counting my chickens just yet, I’m still a closet pessimist) on an amazing trip and have also been contacted by a new YouTube network. The minute I started thinking about what I wanted rather than about what I didn’t have, things started to happen.
I tread an odd line between totally believing in the hippy dippy nonsense of the Law Of Attraction and the power of positive thinking and constantly managing my own expectations and telling myself not to get excited. I hate to be disappointed but if I never allow myself to wish for anything then that’s not better really, is it? I’m not quite ready to share these goals with the world.. I still think saying them out loud may set me up to fail but writing them down, just for me can’t hurt and so far (even if it’s entirely psychosomatic and I’m actually the cause of these effects) positive things are happening.
Are you a ‘believer’?