Competitive Mum Guilt

 

I’ve blogged about Mum Guilt before so I don’t want to bore you to tears with more of the same but this has been in the forefront of my mind this week and so I pressed record and uploaded a ramble on the subject to YouTube this morning. Because 1. I’m told I need to get better at sharing my content and 2. I’ve been told that pinterest is super duper important I’m blogging it here. But so as not to anger you too much about my brazen self promotion I thought I’d add in a little extra something that I missed out of the video.

Why do Mums love to tell us they miss their kids?

It’s a given, right? We all miss our little darlings every moment that they’re not with us because we’re perfect and they’re perfect. No. Even the Mums who are very open about their not so perfect life love to remind us that they still love them every chance they get. Of course we love our children but we don’t necessarily want them around ALL OF THE TIME! It’s not okay to say that though so instead we are being fed this new kind of guilt from the worst kind of people.

These are the same people telling us to go out and chase our dreams. To pursue out own fulfilment outside of the house and to be a Mum Boss.. etc etc. But don’t get too excited, remember your kids! Those tiny little faces that you left behind while you selfishly went out looking to fill a void that shouldn’t be there because being a mother should be all you need. Show your kids that Mums can work too, that’s a healthy example to set.. only not if it means you have to leave them with a childminder or their Dad cause that’s not great and you should want to spend every waking moment with them or you’re terrible.

You get my point? You know those people? Of course you do!

Parenting Guilt is REAL. Whether you’re in the home wishing you weren’t or away and wishing you were, feeling like you should be providing financially or even that you should feel worse that you aren’t spending more time at home.. it is plentiful and it is varied but it is guilt all the same. I’m convinced that there is no work/life balance that would rid us of this altogether. In theory I have the perfect balance because I’m part time employed, part time self employed, I do most of the school runs, spend most of the holidays with the kids and yet I feel bad daily that I don’t spend enough time with them. I tell myself if I worked 9-5 and didn’t bring work home that things would be different but I know they wouldn’t. I’d get home, tired and annoyed, I’d want a beer and a bath and the last thing I’d want is to play lego. FACT.

I’d hazard a guess that even the people who look to be the perfect parents are beating themselves up because while they’re on their 8th hour of monopoly with no end in sight they would rather be doing ANYTHING else and that in itself makes you feel GUILTY! It’s toxic but it’s in us all ad I refuse to believe any parent that claims they don’t feel it.

My point in (what was supposed to be) this little addition is that we all have this sh*t going on.. we do not need any extra from these yummy mummies telling us that when we do enjoy or jobs or a night out with friends that we should feel bad about it. I hate that message with a passion and anyone who promotes it is participating in some hardcore mum on mum crime! Mummy Blogging is supposed to have created this supportive community but it’s all a big competition and nobody is winning!

Also.. while we’re on the subject of Mummy Bloggers, I’ve been nominated for a ‘parenting influencer’ award (much to my husbands amusement) so just for lols if you’d like to vote for me I would very much enjoy showing my grown up children that I was once an award winning parent and that any negative memories they have of me are entirely unfounded.

VOTE HERE

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2 Comments

  1. Sarah Lang
    27 June, 2018 / 1:55 pm

    So true!! I am currently on maternity leave with my first and I’m going back to work in a bit. Everyone keeps asking me if I’m ok about going back to work in a couple of weeks and actually I’m pretty happy about it. I actually feel guilty that I WANT to go back to work. I think we are just pre programmed to feel guilty!

  2. 28 June, 2018 / 5:34 am

    Mom guilt is real. We even do this to ourselves. Even when we find small happy moments.. we often flip our moment of happiness to guilt for not sharing it with our youngsters. As a single mom, I have felt it all. My biggest critic was me.. but I learned that even working, my daughter was living a very experienced life. She had the best knowledge of other kids, grandparents, etc. Our moments are far more treasured… mostly…. everyday I remind myself that even my alone time is a valuable lesson to her on self respect. Knowing that her happiness is first because I taught her is beyond rewarding. All moms remember that.

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