I have a holiday coming up and; although it’s not a ‘beach’ trip, the weather will be warm and the summer clothes will be packed. I contemplated a pre-holiday diet or a 30 day exercise programme before deciding I was actually pretty happy with myself right now and discarding both ideas. I’m as body confident as I’ve ever been, rarely bothered by pictures of myself and I’ve finally found a style that suits my shape and lifestyle. I occasionally think I’d like to lose some weight to regain my jaw line but my proportions work at the weight I’m at right now so; although I could do with being more active, I’m perfectly happy as I am.
This was until I sat on a sofa with my best friend yesterday to film an upcoming video. She’s always been slimmer than I am (it’s her natural shape) but she’s lost a little extra lately and suddenly I felt huge. Now, I realise that this is not ‘okay’ to say because I am not plus size and have no real body issues but I tell you this to make my point. That morning I’d been shopping, trying things on; all the usual triggers if you’re feeling a bit sh*t about yourself, but nothing. When I was filming and chatting to my friend I had no concerns about the way I looked (in fact, I really should have done my hair) but when I looked at the footage later my confidence plummeted.
I’d love to tell you that today I woke up and shook it off but I didn’t. I downloaded a calorie tracker and started calculating a weeks worth of meals. There are some healthy swaps I could make (more water, less pop for eg.) and my chiropractor has been pushing me to go back to yoga but if I was to change my diet massively I know I’d be doing it for the wrong reasons. Our confidence in our appearance is such a delicate balance. A picture someone else took or the wrong item taken in to the changing room can tip it in to the negative and it’s hard to remember how you really feel about yourself in those moments. If I’m feeling too heavy for my frame then maybe I need to cook more and take out less for a while but seeing an unflattering angle or comparing myself to someone else when I’m otherwise happy in my own skin? I need to learn to let that sh*t slide. Confidence is attractive,. When I feel good I hold myself differently and letting myself wish I was X rather than Y doesn’t make me feel good.