I’m sitting here in absolute floods of tears wondering how I can be so devastatingly upset for someone else loss.. someone I’ve never met that lives an ocean away. I don’t know how I missed her updates but I found out only today that Lana’s (lanadiana) husband passed away some time ago. She has been absent from YouTube for months and given that she was previously very open about her husbands illness and their struggle I’ll admit I feared the worst but it’s one of those things. You know what’s happened/going to happen but you don’t really want to believe it. This sounds ridiculous.. I know it myself. I don’t know this woman.. but I do. That is the power of the internet. I felt like through Lana’s videos I knew her, she was so candid and just.. herself. This kind of behaviour opens you up to criticism, that is the nature of the beast and even during a time of obvious personal pain Lana wasn’t safe but she is the strongest, ballsiest woman I ‘know’ and she didn’t let them get her down. Having heard her speak about her husband I felt invested in his recovery and so today I feel bereft. I am just so sad that such a lovely, wonderful woman has had someone she loved so much taken away from her. I’ll admit I’m in a bit of a fragile emotional state today as it is and that’s probably contributed to the tears but hearing a story like this really puts your ‘problems’ in to perspective.
Back to the subject of Lana’s online reach, I am not the only person she touched. I’d imagine she’s received hundreds if not thousands of messages over the past few months from people she’s never met but upon whom she made an incredible impact. When I was having a hard time with the internet bullies some months ago she took the time to write to me with words of support and encouragement while her husband was very sick and she had no business worrying about me. I know it may seem inconsequential to most of you but I hope that she returns to YouTube, I remember her saying once that she’s stopped uploading because of the trolls and it was her husband that told her not to let them stop her doing something she loved. You may be thinking that would be the last thing Lana would want to do right now but making videos is a form of escapism.. she can sit in her bathroom, in front of her camera, plaster on a smile for 10 minutes and talk about nothing important.. then of course later the comments would roll in ‘so happy you’re back’, ‘so sad for your loss’, ‘stay strong’ . Inevitably the bad comes along with it ‘how can you be making videos now?’, ‘you should be grieving’, ‘you look too happy’ and if it were me the latter would put me off entirely.. but Lana is a whole different animal.
This is not a ‘please come back to YouTube’ plea.. I’d be happy for Lana to check in on twitter occasionally and let us all know how she’s doing if that was what she wanted, It’s a situation I hope never to find myself in and I’d imagine everyone copes in different ways. This post is to outline how a vast distance can shrink via the power of wifi and how a woman so inspiring can reach so many people without ever leaving her home. I half hope Lana never reads this as I’d hate to be the cause of any additional upset but if you are reading.. I hope you know how much support there is for you here x
If you’d like to watch Lana’s video’s they’re here