Say What You Mean, But Don’t Say It Mean

It’s the season of peace and love so when I heard this quote (I wont say where) it seemed all the more appropriate. The internet harbours a great deal of mean spirited folk who take out their own irritation on random people who dare to post their thoughts online. Thoughts are in themselves opinions and opinions are there to be challenged which I whole heartedly accept and encourage but there’s something to be said for manners and tact which unfortunately more than a few of us are forgetting these days. Of course we all have our off days where we perhaps bicker with those we shouldn’t or snap at those who don’t deserve it but it would seem that there’s a whole community of people who are missing the ‘nice chip’ and have zero regard for the feelings of others when they go about their day saying just whatever the hell pops in to their heads. I want to believe that there is good in everyone and with that in mind I thought this little phrase may help those less fortunate than myself who truly do not understand the error of their ways. I am the last person to tell anyone to keep their feelings to themselves, I very much speak my mind and often that’s not popular but given that I am of the gobbier persuasion I have learned over the years that there are ways and means of getting your point across. Yes your best friend might look fat in that dress but you can’t very well just tell her that, perhaps there would be a more flattering cut or colour.. choose your words more carefully and they will be listened to. When you say just exactly what you like and offend someone their walls go up and their defenses come out, regardless of what you say from then on it means nothing. This translates just as well to your online social life but is perhaps even more important there. It is almost impossible to sense a tone via text, sarcasm and dry humour are often lost and misinterpreted, something very well meaning can be taken entirely the wrong way and feelings can be hurt. Just as an example, say your browsing a fashion blog and come across a picture of said blogger in an atrocious neon get up highlighting every lump and bump which just does not flatter her ordinarily gorgeous figure.. how do you approach this? I personally would say nothing because I was brought up with the phrase ‘if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all’ but many feel compelled so consider this a lesson in tact. ‘That colour is very on trend but I’m not sure it’s you.’, I really liked you in the outfit you wore yesterday…’, ‘If I’m honest I don’t think it suits you but then it’s a very difficult look to pull off’. There are ways to say what you mean without being mean! I have lost count of the comments I’ve read on videos (not my own) about lighting. People seem to take such exception to less than perfect filming set ups, why is this? I have no idea but they do and they can really be quite mean about it. If you believe the blogger is unaware that her lighting is no longer as good as perhaps it once was maybe mention ‘has something changed in your set up? It’s not quite as bright today’. It’s unecassary to berate someone for not having the time to film in daylight or the means to purchase studio lights but who still wishes to upload a video. Madness. YouTube has opened my eyes to a new world of nasty but like I said I hope that this nastiness stems from bad manners rather than bad people and that the simple idea that you can communicate more effectively with kindness will help.

Any advice you’d like to add, leave me a comment

PS. I might have heard the quote on R.H.O.N.Y (maybe)

Miss BB

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4 Comments

  1. liloo
    3 December, 2012 / 2:30 pm

    if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all’ <— i live by that rule too. Youtubeland is such a harsh world :/ I don't know how you cope with it sometimes xx

    • missbudgetbeauty
      Author
      10 December, 2012 / 10:29 am

      dya know.. it used to be the money that made it ‘worth’ sticking with but these days my blog is so lucrative I could pack that in easily if that’s all it was.. I’ve come to realise I really do enjoy sitting in front of a camera, it involves far less time and effort than my blog and I feel like I can put across a part of my personality that doesn’t translate in text so although the hate really does suck at times I can hack it to keep doing what I love. Jonathan Joly actually tweeted something last night, he said ‘Being a YouTuber makes you feel so loved and so hated all at the same time’ and I think that pretty much sums it up. Can you give up all that love just to avoid the hate?

      • 4 January, 2013 / 2:10 pm

        Theres so many youtubers who get hate comments and its sad – it only comes from sad jealous people who want to be where you are and if you compare how many likers you have compared to haters there will be a MASSIVE difference :). If youlove what you do who cares what others think – there loss

        • missbudgetbeauty
          Author
          5 January, 2013 / 10:30 am

          That’s true but it’s so frustrating to me that people feel the need to be mean .. Ugh!

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