I know other people must have written about this concept but this week it’s very much on my mind. I feel so over-extended this month and as it crawls to a close and I can already taste the less committed freedom of May I can’t help but wonder (Bradshaw style) ..is this the curse of the Girl Boss?
I would love to know if I was always like this, maybe I was because really just the whole concept of starting a blog (which hobby or not is work) as a sideline is the mark of someone who likes to feel busy, right? But these days it seems like we (women specifically) have to be busy or we’re not doing enough. I find it impossible to relax, it is so very rare that I lay on the sofa without a device in my hand or may lap (a laptop, guys!) that I’m not sure I every have any real down time. Actually, that’s a lie. I think this is why at 32 I am still completely obsessed with The Sims because for the hour or 2 that I play from time to time I really am disconnected. I have no desire to instagram it, it doesn’t provide any real world distractions, I’m not like ‘oh, I wonder where my sim got that top, let me spend 3 hours googling it’. It’s true escapism and I think that’s why it’s still so popular so many years on.
But other than occasional visit to Riverblossom Hills (which, let’s face it, is still active screen time) I very rarely switch off. When I’m not able to work/browse the internet I am listening to podcasts or audiobooks, when I’m in the bath I’m watching YouTube videos, when I’m watching TV I’m editing pictures or reading blogs but when it comes time to actually work I’m often so overwhelmed with the list of tasks I’ve assigned myself I get absolutely nothing done.. which only feeds my feeling that I can’t relax because I should be working.
I’ve always been an all or nothing kind of person but I will never truly know whether this need to be ‘busy’ is a product of the ‘Girl Boss’ trend to create an empire and kick ass or whether it’s just a part of me. Do you all feel the pressure or do you get home and lay on the sofa, watching the soaps with zero guilt? I also wonder whether it’s because I was a young parent. Do I have something to prove because the stereotypical teen mum is just sitting around all day? On top of that I have the guilt while I’m working that I’m not being a good mum and I’m spending too much time away from the kids to achieve these many dreams I’m working towards. It’s basically a millennial minefield we’ve created for ourselves.. again, assuming this isn’t just me feeling this way. If you all tell me you’re perfectly content with your work life balance I might have a little cry.
I’m currently sitting in costa waiting for todays video to upload and decided to brain dump before I go home and actually relax – or at least try. Sitting in a coffee shop working and then coming home when I’m done has actually been a bit of a revelation. I know it’s a total blogger cliché but I’ve been coming here after my ‘real job’ to get things done with a decent internet connection and no distractions for a bonus has been that when I get home I actually feel a work/life divide I’ve never experienced while blogging. Something I may take to doing more often in a bid to alleviate some of the above but for now, am I alone? Do you feel this constant weight? Is being a ‘Girl Boss’ a choice or is it something we’ve all kind of been guilted in to in the newest feminism wave?