Countdown to 40
I can honestly say I have never been worried about turning 40. I had my daughter at 19 so by 25 I FELT 40 and it was almost as if my youth was ‘bonus’ time. There are so many arguments to be had for and against having children young but I think a large part of why I wasn’t fearing my forties was that they represented freedom for me. At 40 I will have a 21 and 15 year old, I will be freer than I was at 20!
My husband and I have a similar idea of what we want our empty nest life to look like and I have travel and child-free adventures to look forward to while we’re still fit and healthy enough to enjoy them.. well, that’s the plan anyway.
I’m about to be 38 and I don’t feel particularly fit and healthy.
I was thinking a lot about what I wanted to achieve by the big 4-0 recently and I considered a fun bucket-list style run down but REALLY I want to feel better in my body. I’m getting a grip on my mental health, that feels somewhat under control. I’ve dabbled with anti depressant and counselling, I’m on the never ending referral list for an ADHD diagnosis.. it’s ‘in hand’
My PHYSICAL health.. not so much.
My husband is very fastidious about his fitness. I built him a gym in our garage and he works out every day, he gets his 10,000 steps and really works at keeping himself strong. I have never found an exercise that made me want to do it every day. I did do the walking thing for a minute, as a (potential) ADHDer I’m great at sticking to something for a short period of time. I actually lost a bit of weight doing the stepping at the noom and the no drinking last year but once I’m done.. I’m done. I need a reason, a trigger, something to kick me back in to the interest- zone.
So maybe this is it! Fit for 40? I want to be clear.. I want to look good, don’t we all want to look good? But I’m not really interested in weight loss from where I am right now. I’m very aware that menopause is gaining on me and how difficult women find managing their weight when it catches up.. so iI’m not against getting a handle on something to help me maintain as an when, but really this is about strength, stamina and LONGEVITY. What’s the point in having your babies young if you get old 20 years early? I’ve had back pain for more than a decade and I know strength training would improve it but I just.. don’t.
I don’t digest certain foods well either.. honestly, if I listed my myriad ailments, you’d expect a fair older woman. So my countdown to 40 is going to focus on food (not calorie deficits, not weightless) and fitness because I want to wake up on that birthday feeling fucking fantastic.
OH!
Also a third F.. finances. Yikes. I’ve spoken about this before but I have never been good with money and that’s another thing that feels manageable in a 2 year time frame. It’s reasonable. I started a business this year so.. that was expensive! But I think long term it will help me have more control over my financial future. I want to be totally debt free (all but for the mortgage - OBVS) by 40.. food, fitness and FINANCES.. got it!
A huge benefit of rounding that corner in my late 30s is the thing older women always tell you but you never believe. I really am starting to give zero fucks about what people think of me. I’ve always overshared and that’s been a tough road for this rejection sensitive being but rather than changing who I am at my core, I’ve truly felt a toughness grow in me this past year. I am a grown woman, I am who I am and if I am not for you, that’s absolutely fine. I have no desire to alter myself for anyone.
I feel great about my relationships with the people who matter, everyone else can take me or leave me. A difficult stance to take when you’re creating an online presence but it’s been 13 years.. Consider me created.