I’ve mentioned in passing that I’m actively trying to lose weight - I have no idea how to word that but regardless someone won’t be happy, so I’ll just continue - but I’ve avoided going in to any detail for risk of triggering people who would rather avoid the topic. This feels like a safe space to discuss it, however, so I’m going to give you a little intro with a view to updating you as I go.

It all started as kind of a joke. We had originally planned to renew our vows in Las Vegas to celebrate our tenth anniversary in January. Around Christmas I told my friend that I wanted to be in ‘the best shape of my life’ for the trip - which was an obvious lol since I’d made zero effort towards that goal and we were less than a month out.

But then we pushed it back

Covid restrictions were stressful when we travelled in December and we decided to delay the whole thing in the hope that they may have calmed a little. With the trip now 10 months away I started to toy with the idea of actually attempting to change my body.

Now this is where things get difficult to discuss online. I am body positive. I’ve never looked in the mirror and hated my body. I’ve never cried in a changing room. I’ve never beaten myself up for eating anything or been massively upset my my dress size or a number on the scale. Really, the only thing that’s ever truly bothered me is what I refer to as my ‘C-section shelf’ and that was something I was convinced I couldn’t change.

That said, I’ve always been relatively slim while eating however I liked and doing no intentional exercise. There have been times where I’ve considered losing a little weight, but I’ve been worried that I might lose that slim privilege I’ve enjoyed and always thought I’d rather be a few lbs heavier and eat what I like than lose a little and have to watch my diet.

I’ve done a handful short lived work out challenges and very occasional intermittent fasting when I’ve felt particularly sluggish but other than that I’ve made it 36 years without embarking on any real diet or exercise plan.

So, although I have definitely been guilty of comparing myself to supermodels and trying to massage away my cellulite I’ve never really battled with my body. I say this because I want to be very clear up front that if I lost no weight at all I wouldn’t cry myself to sleep. I would be very happy in a swimsuit on holiday and I would still eat ALL of the fries with a smile on my face.

This isn’t a matter of ‘why can’t you accept yourself?’ because I have. This is a ‘how could I look if I actually tried?’

I had a baby at 19. I actually think this saved me from many things and one of them was scrutinising my body too much as I grew older. You can’t miss something you never had and because I only ever had a post baby adult body, it’s almost all I’ve ever known.. but it would be nice to know what my body could look like, y’know?

And so.. I joined an app called Noom. I’m not going to talk too much about that now because I plan to review it comprehensively at the end of the term. I paid for the app and in the first 6 weeks I lost around a stone. I can hand on heart say that I didn’t feel restricted, I still had fast food and alcohol (in moderation) and dessert every day. It felt very sustainable, but I did lose some steam at the 2 month mark.

My interest in the lessons and logging was waning. Part of this was probably because I’ve had such success so quickly that I wasn’t incredible motivated to continue. Right now, I’m using it here and there, have relaxed my calorie counting and am ballparking most of the time and I’m ‘maintaining’ the original loss.

This is where my goal come in handy. If this was just for the sake of losing a few lbs, I’d probably just maintain where I am now but because I have a goal and that deadline is creeping closer, I’m feeling that motivation whisper in my ear.

I decided to start posting some weekly updates and that I would actually embark on some kind of fitness journey. I wrote this down - Monday - Fitness post - but had honestly no idea what this would actually be. AND THEN, I was contacted by a company who offered me some equipment and a membership to online classes in exchange for WEEKLY POSTS.

Hello, Law of Attraction!

SO, here I am! Introducing you to the idea and asking, what would you like to know? Would you want some low calorie snack ideas? Would you like some ‘what I eat in a day’ style diaries? Before/After exercise photos? I will, of course, share what I feel good sharing but if there’s something specific you’d like to know, shout up!

I will label all of this content clearly so if you want to avoid it you can, but I’d like to share this because I’ve learned a lot and if you are on a similar journey, it may be of interest.